Showing posts with label heartbreak gist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heartbreak gist. Show all posts

5 Things Not to Do After a Break Up

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1. Don’t Call.

Unless you want to apologize, reconcile, or lose every last shred of personal pride you have left, do not pick up that phone. When you break up with someone, make it as clean a break as possible. Calling will only make the wound fester and distract you from the new life that you have to build now without your ex. Use your energy for more productive things. Take the phone off the hook if need be. Remove your ex’s phone number from your call-back options on your cell. Until you’re completely over it, the phone is not your friend.

2. Don’t Cut or Burn Your Photos.

Though it might be tempting to take a scissors and stab your ex through the head, don’t do it. First, it’s kinda nuts. Second, if you ever do get back together it’ll be hard to explain. And third, the pictures tell a story of your past and should be honored as such. If destruction seems like too much of a temptation, box up the memories and give them to a friend for safekeeping until you’ve cooled off.

3. Don’t Mope.

Easier said than done-we all know how crushing break ups can be. And we also know that everyone needs a period of mourning. But set a time limit for yourself. Give yourself a few days to cry, brood, and curse wicked fate for your broken heart. Decide that you’re only going to eat so many pints of Ben & Jerry’s. Then get busy. Doing what? Anything. Stay occupied and try to be pleasant to be around even if you want to burst into tears every time “your song” comes on the radio.

4. Don’t Rebound.

While it’s healthy and self-affirming to enjoy the company of someone new, be careful not to make commitments you can’t keep. Go out on dates, learn to see yourself through the eyes of new people, make new friends and even distract yourself with the appreciation of someone you’re attracted to. But don’t let the L word slip past your lips until you’re completely over your ex. Giving someone else false expectations about the potential for a relationship when you’re still nursing your wounds is a pretty lousy thing to do, and will only make you feel guiltier in the long run.

5. Don’t try to Get Revenge.

A friend of mine once tried to get back at her homophobic ex by subscribing him to a gay magazine. When it arrived at his dorm, he assumed his gay neighbor had sent it to him, and started a fist-fight. This incident spiraled so far out of control that her boyfriend ended up hurting a fellow student, and being expelled from school. Not exactly the consequence she was looking for. As tempting as it may be to get even with someone who has hurt you, living well is often the best revenge. Nothing will get back at your ex so well as seeing you happy, healthy, and having completely moved on. So focus on you, not on the ex. (But feel free to fantasize about all the evil things you could do to get revenge if you want; thoughts are free.)
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Meet The lady Who dumps her boyfriend to move in with his father

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It was smiles all round at the family barbecue as Lewis Walker hugged his fiancee Emma Schofield and grinned at his father Darren.

But Lewis was unaware that Emma was hiding a terrible secret – for the past few weeks she had been sleeping with his dad.

Adding insult to injury, father and son had only recently reconciled after spending nearly eight years apart - and it was Emma who had engineered their meeting.

But just six months after meeting Darren, Emma found herself falling for the 43-year-old builder and into his bed.

The 27-year-old from Blackburn, Lancashire, struggled with choosing between her fiancé and her future father-in-law.

She said: 'Standing beside Lewis at that barbeque in June 2011 was torture.
''I felt such a fraud knowing that while I was on the arm of my fiance, it was his old man who I had fallen for.

'Sometimes I lie in bed and cry because it’s horrible what I did to him, but on the other hand I found it impossible to control the feelings I had towards his dad.'

It was in December 2009 that Emma first fell for labourer Lewis, 21.
Emma, who works in sales, said: 'When I met Lewis at a Christmas party he seemed lovely.
'He put his hand on my knee and said: "I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world and I really, really mean that." Moments later our lips had locked and we were kissing.

'After a few dates I realised he was special. He treated me with respect, was always the perfect gentleman and our s*x life was fantastic.

'After two months of dating he’d all but moved in and four months later he proposed with the words: "I want you to say yes because I’ve never loved a girl as much as I love you, and I want to make you happy for the rest of your life."

'My eyes filled with tears and I said yes.'
But thinking about their upcoming marriage made Emma realise she was yet to meet his whole family.

She said: 'The one person I hadn’t met was Lewis’s dad - they hadn’t been close since his parents split eight years earlier.

'I saw our engagement as a way of bridging the gap and bringing them together. I was determined our wedding would bring them closer.

'When we knocked on his door Darren answered and I was confronted by a man who looked ten years younger than his 43 years and was very handsome.

Ashamed with herself: Emma describes her split from Lewis as 'heartbreaking'
'He invited us in and was charming and confident. I was instantly attracted to him, not in a s*xual way, but I fell in love with his personality.

'We all became very close after that meeting and went out for drinks and to clubs together.
'A year ago Lewis and I were at Darren’s house after a Saturday night out. Darren and I were drunk but Lewis was sober as he was on call for work, in case the alarm went off.

'We’d only been in five minutes when Lewis got a call out. He phoned from work ten minutes later to say there’d been a break in and he wouldn’t be home for a few hours.

'I told him I would sleep in the spare room at his dad's, as I didn’t fancy going home on my own.

iI sat with Darren on the sofa with a glass of wine, and suddenly he turned to me and said: "I don’t think I’ve ever seen you looking this attractive."

'I was shocked, told him to stop it and pulled my short skirt down as it had accidentally ridden up. But he put his hand on my thigh.

'I turned to him and suddenly we kissed, but then I thought about Lewis and stopped him, saying: "This isn’t right, it isn’t fair on Lewis." His face dropped and he said: "You’re right."

'I decided the best thing to do was go to the spare room, get undressed and into bed. As I lay under the covers the initial adrenalin rush had been replaced by fear.
'What was I playing at? I loved Lewis, he was the perfect man for me.

'But underneath I knew I was attracted to Darren. I wanted him and not Lewis, and the thought made my blood run cold.

'How could I ever admit that to Lewis? What sort of person would that make me? I was scared, terrified of what the future held. That kiss had made me realise I was with the wrong person.
'Darren appeared at my bedroom door and sat on the bed: "I’m really sorry for what happened just now. Please don’t tell Lewis, he must never find out."

'My emotions were all over the place, I pulled him towards me and we started kissing and minutes later we were having s*x.

'When it had finished Darren went back to his room and I lay on the bed in a complete state of shock.

'There was no going back now. But I felt so guilty and ashamed, ashamed that I’d betrayed Lewis who was such a genuine person.

'I’d been cheated on in the past so I knew what it felt like, and now I was no better than them.

'But I couldn’t stop thinking about Darren, I couldn’t see a way of having him without causing massive heartbreak.

'I started to cry, I couldn’t see what I was going to do.



An hour later Lewis came home, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. I’d betrayed the man I thought I loved.

'For the next three months I saw Darren when Lewis wasn’t around, and tried to carry on as though nothing had happened.

'I was an emotional wreck. I’d gone from wanting to spend the rest of my life with Lewis to being unable to be intimate with him because I didn’t love him.

'It was heart-breaking. I wanted to reset the clock and go back to how things were before all this happened, but I couldn’t.

'Telling Lewis the truth would mean he lost his dad again, and he’d be unable to forgive me. If Lewis and I ate tea together I’d suddenly well up and have to rush out of the kitchen so Lewis didn’t see me in tears.'

During all of this turmoil, Lewis was planning the couple’s wedding.
Emma said: 'He’d taken over planning the wedding because I was showing little interest.
'But I still couldn’t choose between them. I loved Darren and could see a future with him but Lewis deserved better than that, so I stuck it out.

'I took Lewis's hand and said: "I’m really sorry, but for the past few months I’ve been seeing your dad. I really like you but I don’t love you. I love Darren."'

'After three months of this charade I became so exhausted I told Darren we had to come clean. Darren panicked and said: "You can’t, he’ll never speak to me again."
'But I knew this was the right thing to do, I could never end things with Darren now.
'Darren and I met at his house and Lewis joined us. He knew something was wrong and asked: "Is everything OK?"
'I took Lewis’s hand and said: "I’m really sorry, but for the past few months I’ve been seeing your dad. I really like you but I don’t love you. I love Darren."

'Lewis laughed, thinking I was joking. But when I walked up to Darren, took his hand and started to cry, Lewis’ face dropped.

'He threw himself at Darren and they started fighting. Eventually Lewis marched to the front door and screamed: "I hope you two will be happy together, in hell!"

'The guilt and betrayal I felt towards him made me feel sick. I lost lots of weight, couldn’t eat, didn’t want to go out and sank into depression.

'But I think I have made the right decision by choosing Darren, my future is with him now.
'To drag things on with Lewis would’ve been crueller than doing what I did and I’ve come to terms with that now.
'Darren and I have been together, properly, for five months now and are hoping to move in together this year.
'Darren’s hoping to patch things up with Lewis but I’m not holding my breath. We haven’t spoken since the fight, but I hope one day we can all be friends again.'
Darren claimed the couple are 'really happy' together.

He said: 'It’s a shame what’s happened and I didn’t want to hurt Lewis, but at the end of the day I’ve found Emma and that’s what counts.

'Lewis will find someone else, he’s a good-looking lad and I hope one day we can be friends again.'

Lewis said: 'I’m getting over it. But I still think it’s a nasty thing to do.
'I feel quite embarrassed about it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be friends with my dad again, well definitely not while he’s with her.



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