Most cultures in Africa view the man as the head and financial provider in the family, in today’s world where more women are earning as much as or more than their male counterparts should the man always foot the bill on dates or for requirements in the home?
Findings show that there are some men out there who cannot come to terms with women’s shout of equality in everything except their finances. They cannot understand why women with good jobs and equal incomes are still insisting that men finance everything or most of it.
The degree of severity of this scenario varies from one relationship or marriage to the other but many have it to contend with .A mutual friend recently lamented his partner’s attitude to financial matters which he said is making him want to quit the relationship. According to him the lady seems to have taken the cultural or religious perception of the man being the provider too far. “Despite the fact that the lady earns slightly more than me, she expects me to pay for everything when we go out all the time. She also feels I must provide the money for her hair ,clothes and other needs.”
He said he got the shock of his life when he came home the other day very hungry expecting to be served food but the lady told him she didn’t cook because there was no matches in the house and he couldn’t help asking himself if he must foot the bill for everything.
The Home Front sought the perception of both men and women on this.
Women
Hajara,Adams said the man must always pay when the go out on dates but when it comes to the home front she will contribute to the needs of the home, “for instance if he gives me 5 ooo naira for food , I will augment it with my own no matter how little to make better meals or special delicacies or to have varieties in the home. So that at the end of the month if he had given me 25 000 naira for food, I would have spent more than that. More so, it is not everything I will ask money for , there are some I will do own my own. I will only allow him to foot the whole bill if I am a housewife with no income of my own.”
Rita Olasunkanmi said ladies want the man to pay for most things but not all things and she is no different. She said a man who makes it a point of duty for his woman to contribute equally with him will have problem because ladies do not have that psyche. “personally I don’t feel comfortable for the man to pay for everything all the time, that will be selfishness or lack of understanding, any lady who does that needs reorientation. The fact that the man is the provider doesn’t mean you should do your part.”
May Philips says “if I am a working class lady, I will not expect the man to always foot the bill of our needs . When we go out in between or some days I could pay for some and when there is something lacking in the house it is not all I will request money from him for . . I will simply buy some on my own. But if the man is the type that now makes it a point of compulsion that I must be paying too that is when I will not even put anything again. I only expect him to foot the bill always if I am a student or not working.”
Mary Onuorah says it depends on both parties involved in the relationship. “Some of my friends have told me of their working class men who send them call me back or flash them expecting them to call them, or even restrict their call to free night calls, with such men you know you can’t expect them to foot half or all the bill, some ladies will not mind this but some will take to their heels immediately. There are men out there too who do not want anything from the woman, if you pay the taxi fare or the meal he may feel offended and you need to stop, for this class of people it boosts their ego to be in charge, so it depends on the kind of man you are with.”She said
Sarah Adaji said she expects the man to foot the bill most of the time, “ but once in a while I can pay too especially when the bill is really getting high. Even though a woman is earning more than the man her needs are more than his . Her packaging alone is more expensive than that of the man, while a man can barb his less than 500 naira a month, make do with a simple cream, soap and clothes and maybe just two shoes, the lady is required to do more for her clothes, skin, food, hairstyle and others. The same men who do not want to part with money want to see you looking very attractive all the time . So after taking care of your needs where do you get the money to contribute equally? The man should still be the major provider while the woman supports.”
Men
Johnson ijelekhai says “Well as a man, I don’t believe I should be the one paying for everything all the time without any contribution from the lady especially is she earns money too; for dates or outings it will depend on who is taking who out for instance if I decide to take my lady out, I will even feel insulted if the lady offers to pay , but if she on her own decides to take me out I will leave her to pay for everything.”
He said while he sees himself as the major provider he expects the lady not ask for money for everything. “A good or understanding wife or partner should be able to buy some things on her and I may refund some of the money if need be”
Mr Ferdinand Udemezue has similar opinion to ijelekhai as he said he pays for everything when they go out and only expects her to pay on some special days or occasions in which she feels, my love, Nkem let me take you out for a treat. “Those are the only times I expect her to pay and in the house with the economic situation around it will be bad for the woman to expect the man to foot all the bills. They both have to come to an understanding on that. If she earns more than me , we will put heads together to see what each can contribute. It is not something you force her , but if despite her earning capacity she feels I must still pay and provide everything then it will breed resentment. There are little things a wife can pay for herself and the children without having to request from her husband.’
Mallam Sugaba Madu on his part said in marriage the man is the breadwinner and should provide most needs of the woman and the family. But if she has higher earning power than the man it will depend on the agreement they both have on who should provide what but often it is still important for the man to provide the major things in the home. He said in his house his wife earns more than him and after he provides the major food stuff in the house his wife on her own augment other things that come up without calculating or requesting for them from him”
Mr Taiwo Olarewaju said although culturally and by the injunction of the Holy Books the man is expected to provide for the home, it is good for the woman to provide too. “ When a couple go out, the woman can offer to pay for some things and the man should not feel bad, it doesn’t reduce his manliness in anyway. When you watch some of these foreign films you see that white ladies do not expect the man to pay for everything or all the time, we should learn from this people but that doesn’t mean we should see it as a norm that she should pays always, such gestures cements the relationship.”
Idris Alkali on his part say said he doesn’t expect anything from his woman. “My wife is a housewife and I provide her needs and sometimes when she does business I don’t expect anything from her. Let her use her money to take care of herself or what she pleases. It is my responsibility.”
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